I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
