Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
