Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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