so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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