oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
