i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
