from now on my penis is your penis
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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