You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
