hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
