okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
