You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
