Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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