I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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