No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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