I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
