if you like me you must not know who I am
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
