At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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