When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
