you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
