Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
