why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
