and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize