South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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