I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
