you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
