1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
