I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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