Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
