I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
