If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
