did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
