I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
