I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize