____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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