I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
