I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize