Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
