thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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