I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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