Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
