put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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