look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
