Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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