Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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