I am puke
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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