i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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