Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
