BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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