I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
