She said her name was "party"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
