its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
