i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
