She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
