Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize