All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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