Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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