Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize