chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
