Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
