I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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