Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
