he wants to bone in the snuggie
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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