I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
