WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize