he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
