No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
