Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
