he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
