The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
